Once I started work at Lincoln I realised quite how wrong I’d been about my image of the job. Far from being an ambulance chaser and dealing with corruption every day, I was faced with a great deal of routine that everyone had to do to make sure all the bases were covered.
For example, one of the first jobs every day was known as ‘calls’ and it involved phoning the emergency services to check whether there had been any incidents during the night. It wasn’t the big stuff: if the cathedral had burned down during the night we’d have been called out to it to watch the flames and gather local response. No, this was the everyday small stuff that happens all over the country. It’s a big thing to the people involved, but to the rest of us it’s just a chance to gloat and think, rather them than me.
It was the small fires like when someone let their frying pan overheat. The fire brigade wee called out, the kitchen’s a mess, but the house is still there. Needs decorating and smells of burned chips, but everyone is OK and there’s no structural damage. Don’t get me wrong – a chip pan fire that someone’s daft enough to throw water on will explode and you’re lucky if all you get is a black ceiling. No, that kind of fire gets out of hand quickly and your house burns down.
But there are all kinds of other fire that need professional attention but don’t threaten life and limb. Someone has a bonfire and builds it too close to the fence. Pretty soon the fence catches light and then half the garden’s in flames. That kind of story was a great opportunity for the fire brigade to issue a warning about having safe bonfires. and we’d duly oblige y passing the advice on as part of our coverage. You’ve probably read similar things or heard them on TV: The fire brigade has issued a warning to people who are planning to burn their garden rubbish. Make sure you construct your bonfire well away from fences and other flammable items. Have a bucket of water or sand close by in case the flames start to spread, and don’t try to burn too much at once. I can still write those in my sleep.
Then there’s the ambulance call. They didn’t tell us about the ordinary, everyday crises that people face. No heart attacks, no food poisoning, but perhaps if someone fell off a roof while clearing their gutters. Yet another warning to the public to take care.”If you aren’t confident about heights and ladders, perhaps consider calling in a professional”. That kind of thing.
Of course they’d tell us about car crashes they’d attended, and chances are we already knew about them from calling the fire brigade if anyone had been trapped. They didn’t call them car crashes, of course. The official term was RTA or RTC, which stood for road traffic accident, or road traffic collision. And pretty soon you got used to using the jargon when you spoke to the pros. But you made sure to talk about collisions and accidents when you wrote the story.
Technically a collision is an impact between two moving bodies. So two cars can collide but a car can’t collide with a wall. Not unless the wall was collapsing at the time! So you had to take care how you phrased things just in case it appeared in court later. No word or phrase should imply blame on anyone because if you wrote a story, however small and innocuous it seemed at the time, and you made it sound like one party was at fault when they weren’t, that was libellous and you could face a prosecution of your own.
Last call was, predictably, to the police. They would tell you about all kinds of things that had happened since the previous morning. They would have been involved in many f the things the other two had already told you, of course, but they also knew about street robberies, shop raids, suspicious looking people hanging around old folks’ homes. Usually they wanted your help. “Police are asking anyone with information...” You know the stuff. They often wanted witnesses to accidents, because no-one was sure who was to blame and there might be careless driving charges pending.
This was the bread and butter stuff that filled the pages and that the majority of people wanted to know about. Perhaps they’d seen ambulances tearing off along their street. A couple of days later they read about a three car pile-up in a nearby area and so they know a little bit more about what has gone on in the town. I’m not sure people still care about that sort of stuff unless the ambulance is parked outside a neighbour’s home, then they want every little detail. But we didn’t tell them that. Calls were very formulaic and mostly you could write them up without much effort. They were good on days you had a hangover. They were also how most junior reporters cut their teeth. Meaty stories but a safe area to learn on. Most were only a couple of paragraphs long, but they were your copy. You knew you’d done them. They were also small enough to cut out and send to your parents to say “Look what I did!”
Another easy way to start a junior reporter, or someone who just joined the firm, was Magistrates’ Court. You didn’t need to find your way around town. You just had to turn up, sit down and take notes. Preferably shorthand notes, in case you ever had to defend what you wrote later. I only ever had to do that once and it was Crown Court and many years later when I was an old hand. If I remember I’ll tell you about it later.
Magistrates’ Court handled small time crimes and petty cases. (Petty is, of course, derived from ’petit’ meaning small in French. ) Sometimes the court sittings were even called ‘petty sessions’ but there’s a whole law lecture on why that happens and I’m not going to start it here. If you really care, go look it up on Google.
So the stories at Magistrates’ were bigger than calls yielded, but they were rarely page leads. Although they could be, in a slow news week. They were governed by a whole host of rules that we’d learned during the pre-entry course. You had to understand the rules of defamation, of course, because you could defame somebody remarkably easily if you didn’t take care how you write about things. But Magistrates’ Court was a minefield. Accuracy was priority. That’s why they taught us shorthand. If you got the facts wrong you could be in trouble from all directions, including the court itself. Magistrates and judges have remarkable powers if they think you’ve held them or their proceedings in court. Contempt is the only offence left on the statute books that still holds an indefinite sentence. In theory you can be put in jail and left to rot until the offended person decides you’ve suffered enough. That doesn’t happen, of course. In effect you’re sent down to cool your heels then hauled back before the beak in a couple of hours to apologise. And as long as you are contrite enough you’re sent away with a few sharp words ringing in your ears.
It never happened to me, but I did once see a magistrate lock up a member of the public for being unruly. He warned the guy several times and called the ‘officers of the court’ (that’s a couple of local bobbies in case you didn’t know) to be on hand for the final warning. The idiot continued to shout about the injustice that was going on to his mate and so he was dragged kicking and screaming down to the cells. There are always cells under Magistrates’ Courts and iften they link directly to the local police station by means of tunnels. Sometimes they even are the police cells. At the end of that day’s session they brought the bloke back up, now quite restrained and looking deeply ashamed of himself, and he apologised profusely, admitted he’d been an idiot and promised not to do it again. Heaven knows what they did to him in the cells. I’d like to think that all they did was talk to him harshly and point out the error of his ways but I’m a cynic after years of journalism and I know that police officers are human like the rest of us. I know I’d have been tempted to give him a thick ear if I’d been in charge of him (which is why I’m a writer and not a law officer!) so I doubt if he got away completely unbruised. He might well have bumped against a doorway or two on the way down. But I digress again, and risk a charge of contempt of court myself for talking like that!
When you covered Magistrates regularly you got to know the returning customers. In a later job, where I became unofficial court reporter, just because I always enjoyed it, I found a lovely bloke who was homeless. Without an address to give he was always remanded in custody, because that was how the world worked back then. I’m not sure if it still would, but there you go. Charlie (Let’s call him Charlie for want of a better name and because I can’t remember his proper one. I can still see his face, but his name escapes me.) would wait till about mid-to-late November and would walk into Tesco, where he would pick up a very large, not particularly expensive item, tuck it under his coat, and attempt to walk out.
He made it so obvious that he was picked up by the store detectives every time. At least I assume he was. Maybe they missed him, or chose to ignore him, a couple of times. He’d be escorted to the police station and put in the cells, where he was fed regularly and kept warm, then sent up before the bench at the next court session. With no fixed abode he had to be remanded in custody so he spent most of the winter indoors, warm, safe and well fed, awaiting trial. Some time in spring his case would come up, he’d be sentenced to three months prison but allowed out straight away because he’d already served his time on remand.
What should have happened is that he should have been helped by social services, but e seemed happy with his lot and went on like that for five or six years that I knew of.
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